The Things We Think And Do Not Say
by kurayami no kage
Summary: Forbidden love for his twin lands Zack in hell. Will he ever get out, or has he created a mess that will destroy both their lives? CHAPTER 9 IS UP! Warning: major angst. Rating changed to M!
1. Things We Do

Note: I do not know/own/hardly watch the Suite Life or any of the characters therein. But I think the actors that play them are cute and i love twins more than is appropriate.

This is loosely based off an encounter I had with a friend yesterday lol. I honestly haven't written fiction in a while, so lower your expectations!!! lol

Note!! I have nothing against white trailer trash people because I basically am one. I just got uncreative with describing a certain character.

Now for the story:

SETTING:

You're in a large dance style nightclub. You see bodies swaying to the music in all directions. Neon strobe lights flashing in all directions to break the darkness. You feel the heat of 300 bodies crammed into the club. You smell smoke and alcohol. And mostly - you hear (maybe your own favorite dance song?) the music pounding into your eardrums.

**The things we think but do not say**

My beautiful brother. How I have admired you from afar. Worshipped your beautiful limbs with my gaze. Lovingly caressed each word you spoke with my mind. Over and over. There are so many things I love about you. Such as your goofy, silly smile that somehow makes people less intimidated to approach someone as beautiful as you.

Every time I look at you, I'm looking at myself. And not only that - but the better version of myself. Everything I know I could be. Brilliantly smart. Tall and thin. But I'll leave that to you my dear. After all, whatever is yours is mine. But you still intimidate me.

And in this moment, in this club, hearing this song, seeing you sway to the beat, I can only stare at you in awe. At these moments, I feel intimidated. At these moments I can't believe you are my twin brother. Because you're so fucking gorgeous. I am only a human, dear brother but you are a blonde god. Oh and there you go again with those obscenely attractive moves. I guess you got the 'good dance moves' gene as well.

And who is that anyways. Have you no taste? He looks too old for you for one thing. And secondly, his shirt is simply terrible (the only thing I will say dear reader, is that certain brands of neon were never meant to mix). You deserve far better than that white trailer trash.

You intimidate me. I fear your beauty and goodness because I know they are something I will never possess. But that doesn't stop me from taking a step towards you. And suddenly I'm across the room. Lights blazing, coloring your pale skin and hair the most unnatural shades of purple, green, and orange. You don't notice me dear, but you will. Because we have this bond that you will never have with anyone else.

And its true. Even before I can possibly surprise you, you turn around. Of course, you don't break your stride, still dancing. Your hideously tacky partner gives me a lopsided grin that makes me crave a shower. Oh yes, I'm his twin. I know you'd like to fuck both of us. And I know you don't feel threatened by me, but you should. Because I'm about to reclaim what always has, and what will always be mine.

"Cody", I smile with my mouth, but not my eyes. Those I simply use to stare intently into his eyes. And without having to say anything, he knows.

"I have to talk to you" I say, mostly for the unwelcome guest. Cody is already smiling and waving bye as I grab his hand and lead him to the outskirts of the mad crowd of dancers. I pull him quickly, forcefully behind me and when we get to the edge, I shove him against the wall.

At first he's a little shocked, but then he just looks at me and smiles. "Zack…." That silly goofy grin that is supposed to disarm me. Well not today. Today its my turn.

"Do you have any idea how much I fucking love you?"

I say it intensely, my eyes burning into his, melting away his grin. He just stares at me. Not only that. I speak to him in my mind as I stare into his eyes as the music plays even louder.

_This can never work out. But it doesn't matter. Because we have this moment, in this place, where nobody will ever remember us. And I want you to be mine._

He knows. He knows because I can feel that he knows. He looks down. Oh god, how this hurts both of us.

'I hate this" he whispers, shaken. And this is the moment. This is the moment I dreamed of, all those nights. Those nights when you would be sleeping and I would walk over and wish I could show you love in all the ways that society won't allow between us.

I bring my hand to the side of his face and cup his cheek. This causes a barely perceptible reaction. He's dying to give in, but incredibly afraid. I bring my face close to his. Wanting to see those beautiful eyes, always so far away from mine.

"Please just fucking look at me", I say, unable to control my voice which is about to break. As he looks up, a tear slips down. "God", I say, and our eyes meet and all the anguish of this love that can never happen burns between them. And I feel it. And I know it. I know it'll never work out. And that is why I'm going to sculpt this moment into a beautiful work of art.

I lean in and capture his mouth. I've never kissed him before. I'm surprised at how awkward it is at first. Our tongues clash, searching for a rhythm. I press my chest against his, flattening him into the wall, feeling his heart beat. I never want this moment to end, and neither does he, as he brings his arms needily around my back.

I pull away from the kiss. And take the opportunity to gaze at the utter perfection that is my brother - perfection that I was never meant to possess. And he smiles at me in a way I've never seen - not his usual goofy grin. He parts his lips, forming them into a lusty smirk. _Oh God…stop it…_

And I lean in again for another kiss and this time, we find our rhythm. And I just lose myself. In this moment. Feeling him. Needing him. Being him. His tongue pushing against mine, and mine against his in a heated expression of nothing but a need that will never be fulfilled. Feeling his heartbeat against mine. Feeling…so….

He gasps and pulls away from the kiss. I think he knows that if he didn't at that moment, there would be no turning back. I step away from him, again widening the distance between us. He's staring at the ground…and I can feel his utter anguish….so much like my own…

Somewhere in the back of my mind, I hear a new song come on the loudspeakers, followed by a sudden tap at my shoulder. I turn around, still in a half daze to see….oh…..my good friend trailer trash. The one my brother is far too good for. But yet who is still somehow better for my brother than I am. "Can I have this dance" he asks of my brother coyly, in a way I suppose was intended to be sexy but to me seems garish.

The clock counting down to the end of our forbidden fantasy reaches the stroke of midnight. This dream is over - I know it as soon as I see that goofy grin appear again, as he smiles and looks towards trailer trash. "Sure, yeah, this is a great song" Cody says. I feel like my guts are being wrenched out, but I play along. After all, I'm an actor, I've been doing it my whole fucking life. "Yeah, go kick some ass on the dance floor, Cody. Just remember what I said - we can't stay here past 2am" I offer lamely as the love of my life goes to dance in the arms of another man as I watch helplessly. Cody and I don't look at each other, as trailer trash and him move away from me and are swallowed up in the crowd of gyrating youth.

I can't control them. The fucking tears. They cloud my eyes and I just let them drip down my face. I don't fight them. I know I need to get used to them, because at the end of the day, they will be the only outcome of my feelings for my twin. I need to. But I don't think I ever will.

_A/N: Thanks guys for reading my story. Its meaning to be a one-shot but if you happened to enjoy it and want a sequel I'm open to it. Also please REVIEW!!! And I will love you forever!!!_


	2. Things We Feel

Obligatory disclaimer: I don't own TSL or any of the characters therein.

First of all, I'd like to thank everyone who reviewed the last chapter and wanted a sequel. This chapter is dedicated to you all: djlover, Wyntirsno, waterlemon, shielded117, and Mendicant Bias. Thank you, your reviews mean so much to me!

Warning: This is a _very_ angst-filled, DARK chapter!

In this work, Zack and Cody are older and share an apartment. And they are kind of OOC. Zack is very sarcastic and angsty and Cody (from Zac's POV) is slutty. Again, my use of 'trailer trash' isn't meant to offend…I simply got uncreative with describing that certain character.

Also, some thoughts will be in italics.

**The Things We Think And Do Not Say **

**Fragment II  
**

_Zack's POV_

We may be 19 already. We may be adults. We may share our own apartment. But he could have fucking asked me before he brought trailer trash back to our place. Oh and he has a name. Tom. How divine. However, I find 'Trailer Trash' more fitting.

We have only one couch in our apartment. After a long night of partying, I'm exhausted and would really like to make use of it. I'd like to. But it would be pretty hard to find a place to sit amidst the horror that is my brother making out with his newfound lover. Ugh. He could have at least brought trailer trash into his room. Well maybe not. I think he's been drinking and he seems totally out of it.

"Mmmmmnnnn, lower" he gasps. From the kitchen, I look over to the living room. Its like a car accident. Although it is horrendous, I can't help but look. Trailer trash is draped on top of Cody, one hand up his shirt, the other cradling his head. And he's sucking on Cody's neck, rather sloppily if I must say. _I should show him how its done…_ I say miserably to myself, although my brother seems to be enjoying it. His eyes are closed, his pink mouth open, emitting loud gasps. _Ugh._

I retreat to the fridge. I don't really know why. I don't want anything to eat. I actually kind of want to throw up. I open it. We really have no food. Its probably a good thing though, because in its absence I have lost a lot of weight. I'm no longer known as 'the fat twin', although I still feel inferior to my glorious counterpart in many ways. Another loud moan interrupts my thoughts. "Oh GOD, Tom!!"

I'm starting to get angry. Doesn't he have any consideration at all?

"Shut the fuck up!!" I yell at them. Tom is grinding into Cody, who has a gorgeous blush staining his face. Before I storm out of the kitchen, I reach in and grab something from a drawer. The sounds of trailer trash snickering follow me out of the kitchen and I shut the door of my room to block out their noise. I can still hear what's going on, but much less.

_Why the fuck am I here??_ I really wonder sometimes. I'm pretty pissed about Cody. Yes, pissed off. But more than that, I just feel empty. It sounds so cliché, doesn't it? I can still hear them making out next door. Would I have done that? Just brought someone over like that to make out with? Especially after our _first kiss_. Did that mean nothing to him?

Its like I can still feel his heartbeat against mine. I close my eyes for a second and listen to them. Listen to Cody moaning. And suddenly, its me on top of him. And it feels so right. Me, with my hand up his shirt, gliding it over his toned, smooth skin. Me, grinding into him, making him emit those beautiful, pleasurable sounds. Smiling at him, and him smiling at me. Whispering fervently into his ear, confessing everything I've felt for all these unbearably long years. I know him better than anyone. I know what he needs. I _feel_ how to make him feel good. So why can't I be the one making love on that couch with my brother?

Well, I didn't receive a card when I was born telling me life was fair, now did I? I smile to myself, in a twisted way. No, it isn't fair. I tighten my grip on the knife I brought from the kitchen. This isn't the first time I've done this, but its been a while. I had hoped I'd never do it again. I press the blade to the skin on my wrist. Vertical or horizontal? Deep or shallow? Scars fill my vision, and I see. Moaning fills my ears. Its weird, but through our bond, I actually feel a little turned on. At this point, it sounds like they're actually fucking. Cody is moaning and gasping loudly, unashamedly, as he is apparently drunk and trailer trash is grunting in somewhat unison.

No, today, it needs to be deep.

My face twists into a grimace as I press the edge of the knife hard into my skin, close to my palm. And then, I begin to drag it up my arm. All the way up to my elbow. A stinging. That's all I feel. Frigid, robotic apathy. It feels wet, but at least I can still feel. Blood is starting to come out of the wound. I have to get more cuts in now, before the blood starts dripping all over my arm. Because I hate cutting over places that already have blood on them. Yes, up and down. I feel a tear drip onto my hand - a sign that I must be crying. _Pathetic. What's there to cry about when he clearly doesn't give a shit about you?_ Well, I got a few good cuts in at least. I feel satisfied…watching the blood drip down my left arm. Feeling it, cold upon the touch of air, just drip down.

_Cody's POV_

It feels like a hammer is driving a nail into my skull the moment I open my eyes. Blinding white light invades my sense of sight. _What happened last night…._

Suddenly, in a rush it comes back to me. Some guy asking me if I want to do a few lines of coke. Then, seeing a starry blur and feeling warm kisses trailing down my body and something entering me… and…_Zack_. It all comes back in a rush. Zack, pushing me against the wall. And….kissing me like I always was afraid he would. Like I was always afraid to imagine.

I try to get up, but a heavy weight is crushing me into the sofa. I open my eyes a little wider. Long-ish brown hair, freckles. He's sleeping. _What was his name again??_ I feel a little bad that I forgot. Gently, I manoeuvre myself out from underneath him and nearly fall right off the couch. My head feels like it is splitting open…and I can't rely on it.

_Zack_…. I reach out for our connection, but it isn't there. It must be because my mind is so disoriented. I don't remember everything that happened last night, and in a way I don't want to. I will reminisce eventually. But I need to find him first. I stumble towards his room. His door is closed. I turn the knob and open it.

I wish I'd never opened it. _Oh my god…_ Blood. Splattered, splashed, dashed. Everywhere. Formulated into words, words painted in blood on the wall. I read them, my head spinning. _I must still be high. Please tell me I'm still high._ But a tap at my shoulder confirms that this is reality. I don't want to turn around. I am afraid to turn around. But the choice is taken from me, as the words are whispered into my ear. In a hushed, insane voice.

"_Isn't it beautiful?????????"_

_A/N: Thanks for reading! I hope y'all have nightmares about this, and wake up and tell me what happens next. Oh and there's a small button underneath these words that says 'review'. Please click it, and tell me what you loved/hated about this chapter. Especially about how I wrote the characters…if they're too OOC or not. Reviews are my life's blood!! _


	3. Mr Mephistopheles

Disclaimer: I am neither rich nor live in California and therefore I don't own TSL.

Thanks to all who reviewed Chapter 2: ravenxeyes, fanficboy12, shielded117, djlover, waterlemon, and Wyntirsno.

To shielded117: Yes, 'trashy' is good choice of word I think. And thank you for your insights, I also think it _is_ plausible that with age and certain experiences they could have turned out like this (however unlikely lol).

Alright!! So on with the freak show. I had to update quickly or else I might lose my inspiration for this fic. So, this chapter didn't really turn out how I intended but….few things in life do, don't they?

Warnings: OOCness, angst (my first love)

**The Things We Think And Do Not Say**

**Fragment III  
**

_Cody's POV_

"_Isn't it beautiful???"_

That voice….so enticing. Deep, and smooth like melted dark chocolate. Yet for something so beautiful, there is something so wrong about it, that it makes the hair on the back of my neck stand up. I've never heard anything like it before. _I'm still high!!! Wake up Cody!! Wake up!!!_ But I can't. I face my fears and turn around. A tall young man is standing there under the door frame. _Who is he?? _I study his appearance, as if trying to find the answer. He looks about a year older than me. He is wearing a silk black tuxedo with a shiny royal purple tie. In his left hand, he is gripping a bound red volume that is emitting a strange reddish glow. It looks quite ancient. Draped at an angle over his shoulder length, shiny black hair is a black top hat. His darkly handsome features are frozen in an expressionless stare, directly into my eyes. And I can't look away. I've never seen eyes like that. They are luminous, and a shade of bright violet that matches his tie.

"Aren't you going to ask me who I am and what I'm doing in your brother's room??" he inquires in that deep, smooth voice. "You really do look so much like him…" he says softly, raising a thin hand to caress my cheek. "I wish I could have taken you too……what a shame…"

I take a step back, feeling a sinking sensation in my stomach. _Taken??_ I frantically reach out for Zack through our connection…but am met again with nothing but eerie silence. "No, this can't be real" I state, my voice trembling. "This is some messed up drug trip."

My response incites the strange young man to smirk, revealing a row of eerily flawless white teeth. 'If this wasn't real….then how did you feel me tapping your shoulder just now? Yes pretty thing, this is quite real. I usually don't come here like this, but when a twin dies and leaves the other behind, all alone….I guess you could say its moving…even for a cold-hearted bastard like me." A short laugh escapes his lips.

I feel the blood in my body freeze. _Dead….then that's Zack's blood…No. _"Noooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" I shriek, as my features contort in rage. "You piece of shit!!!" I roar and charge at him. "What the fuck did you do to him?? Where the fuck did you take him?????!!!" I try to hit him, but my hand goes through him. My eyes widen in shock. He's laughing at me now. The sound jars my aching head. It echoes off the walls until the room is filled with it, surrounding me. Making me feel as if I'm insane.

"Isn't it a little rude to put your hand through the stomach of someone whose name you don't even know?" He admonishes, waving a finger at me.

"Isn't it a little rude to take someone's _dead brother_ god knows where without asking??" I shriek at him.

"If you should be angry at anyone it should be yourself. Maybe he wouldn't have killed himself if you hadn't been screwing around with a stranger on the couch" he says. "And right after he kissed you too."

_Killed himself?? But that's so drastic…._Hot, stinging tears invade my eyes. "But I didn't mean it…I was out of my mind…I was so high, I had no idea….." I falter. "I didn't mean it!!!….I…." I repeat lamely, as my voice breaks into a sob.

"Well its truly tragic you didn't tell him that before he died, Cody...but when I see him I can tell him you said that if you want" the stranger says.

"Okay, who are you?? Satan??" I spit out, coating my words with venom.

"Ah, your intelligence certainly lives up to its legends. Actually, my English name is Mephistopheles the Eighth, Gatekeeper of Hell. And I'll be holding your brother prisoner forever, unless that is, you can find a way to get him back." He holds up the mysterious shimmering red book he's been holding and opens it. "Hm…I think it was on page….45...". He frowns and flips through the worn, brown pages. There are many of them, it is a thick book. "Ahah! Here!!" He walks over to me, and stands beside me. At this point I feel as if I'm already 10 miles down the rabbit hole and still falling. He presents the book before me, opened. It's a page of signatures. 'PAGE 45" is written at the top in large, black letters in a gothic font. And underneath, is a short list of signatures scribbled in blood.

_Melinda Rodriguez_

_James Habingdon_

_Arthur R. Rhodes_

_Zachary Martin_

I recognize my brother's scrawling signature instantly.

"I must say, I _so_ enjoyed adding your brother's to the collection!!!" Mephistopheles says, and shuts the book closed, emitting a shower of red shimmering dust. At that moment, a black portal opens a few meters in front of us. Mephistopheles begins walking towards it. "Well, I must be going, got more signatures of suicide victims to collect."

"WAIT!!!" I scream at him frantically. "You didn't tell me how to get him back!!!!!!"

Mephistopheles stops, and doesn't turn around. I hold my breath. "Of course I didn't, dear. An intelligent boy such as yourself can read, no?" And with that, he moves into and disappears within the dark portal, which then fades. And I'm left alone with the bloody sentence on the wall. Painted in dripping red letters.

FOLLOW THE TRAIL OF BLOOD TO HIS BODY FOR A SURPRISE

- LOVE AND KISSES, MEPHI

_A/N Okay, the next chapter will be more interesting I promise. I had trouble writing Cody. I tried to use swear words only where I thought appropriate for him….not sure if it worked out or not. Also, I'm curious to know what you all think of Mephistopheles..lol. By the way, he is an historical form of Satan. So drop me a line!!! _


	4. Silence

If you find yourself hungry for a disclaimer, your appetite will find satiation in Fragments I, II, or III.

First of all, thanks to all my lovely reviewers of Chapter 3: Wyntirsno, ravenxeyes, waterlemon, shielded117, suitelifelover, djlover and kyo56. Thank you so much, your reviews are very meaningful to me and I keep them in mind while writing :).

I have to say, I truly enjoyed writing this chapter!! I wrote it the entire thing while listening to 'Kurenai' by X Japan, one of the most angsty and tragically beautiful songs I believe ever written. And I hope your joy in reading it equals (and maybe even surpasses) my own :).

Warnings: OOCness, and a truckload of angst…and then some!!!

**The Things We Think And Do Not Say**

**Fragment IV**

_Zack's POV_

_Cold._

I regain consciousness with the feeling of it seeping into my bones. I feel as though I'm sprawled out on a damp, chilly surface. _Where am I? _

I open my eyes, but a pitch black renders them useless. The thick darkness chokes me. It is so silent, I realize I've been holding my breath.

I'm alone amidst a dark, cold void.

Well, alone except for my memories. Shards of them float by in the darkness. The one where I'm kissing Cody, the way I never should have. The memory of the sharp pains of the knife blade….pains that could still never compare to the forbidden aching in my soul for my twin.

I reach out for my right wrist with my left hand. The wounds, they must still be there. But my wrists are strangely weighted down. I feel it in the dark. Yes, there is something around each of them: what feels like a metallic band. _Okay..this whole situation is a little weird. One minute I'm cutting my wrists and the next I'm shackled in some black void of doom…_

I feel around the left band and notice it is attached to a chain. I grasp it - it is my newfound lifeline in the dark. Slowly, I try to stand, but my head begins to swim dangerously. I will have to crawl. Using one hand to feel where the chain lies along the floor, I slowly begin to make my way. Although it is silent outside my head, the same cannot be said of the inside.

_What's going on? Last I remember, I was in the bathroom…..feeling dizzy from all the blood loss….am I in jail or something for trying to kill myself? The mental ward?? Maybe they're keeping me locked up becau-_

_*_SMACK*

"Fuck!!" I yelp as my head collides with something much harder than it. I reach out blindly in front of me to touch smooth, cold stone. As a blind man would, I feel around it. It feels like a stone slab. With the same dimensions as a coffin. Suddenly, my whole body shivers; I don't know why. I grab the chain again and it pulls taut. I realize I must be close to its source. I follow it and realize it is attached to the top of the stone slab.

Suddenly, the sound of footsteps invades the silence. A purple glow appears from somewhere in the distance, burning my newly nocturnal vision. For some reason, my first instinct is to hide. I scramble to the other side of the slab, so I am hidden from the eerie glow, the chain clinking behind me.

The footsteps approach until there is someone peering over the slab at me. A young man with bright red hair and green eyes. I notice he is wearing a strange, tight black outfit. He is holding a purple flaming torch. I want to laugh at how silly this is - me hiding from someone like this. But somehow laughter is the farthest thing from my mind.

"Now we can do this the easy way or the hard way" he says, giving me almost a pitying look.

"Wait…I'm not doing anything until you tell me where I am!! Where is this, the mental institution? Huh? You a mental health care worker?" I say. But he doesn't look anything like it….and I know it.

He rolls his eyes as if he's heard it a hundred times before. "Why do they always send me the difficult ones??" he says as if to himself. He starts walking away from me, toward a far wall on my left, where I see him make a motion as if flicking a switch.

And suddenly, I can feel the chains slipping by me. Pulling at my wrists. Pulling me right into the stone slab. "Hey!" I say in shock more than anything as suddenly I'm flat on my back, lying on the stone slab. Its cold seeps into my bones, making me shiver. My wrists are being tightly pulled into the slab I'm lying on, making it impossible for me to get up.

I notice the strange man towering above me on my left, holding what looks like a giant syringe. It is pointed directly at me. I cringe in horror. I absolutely hate needles. "Wh-what are you doing with that???" I whisper with dread.

Then, without warning, I feel the long needle being plunged deep into my neck. It is in incredibly deep. And slowly, he begins to draw out blood. I can only gurgle in protest as my life's blood is sucked into the syringe. _Now I'm really going to die…_

_Cody's POV_

FOLLOW THE TRAIL OF BLOOD TO HIS BODY FOR A SURPRISE

-LOVE AND KISSES, MEPHI

I swallow down utter panic as I look at the last letter 'I' of 'MEPHI' and notice it trail down off the wall, onto the floor….and flow directly into Zack's bathroom. My legs have turned to rubber. I force them towards the trail of blood, leading under the bathroom door, which is slightly ajar.

I open it.

_Oh….Zack…._The tears spill out of my eyes, slowly at first. Then, blurring my numb vision.

I'm not afraid at the sight. I'm not afraid, seeing my twin sprawled on his side on the bathroom floor. Seeing the impossibly deep gashes all over his arms. Feeling the wetness of his life blood soak into my feet. No. I am only sad.

My tears begin to spill everywhere as I bend down slowly. I sit beside his body and just look into his face. His eyes are closed. I understand.

Gently, I pull his head into my lap. His body is limp, and sags into mine. My tears spill onto his face. Drip. Drip. One on his cheek. One on his nose. I let them flow freely without judgement. I look at his peaceful expression. There will be no more smiles. There will be no more frowns. This face has no more life.

Sadly, I bring him into my arms. And I just hold him. Like he always wanted me to, but I never did. I look into his face again. My reflection. I brush a stray blonde hair aside. Amidst my falling tears, I kiss his forehead gently. _Look at me….._

I begin to sob quietly. Gently, I place him back on the tiles. I can't be with him anymore.

_A/N: *pulls out tissues* wahahahahaha!!! Okay I think that's the saddest thing I've ever written. Please review, your feedback keeps me going :)  
_


	5. Sooner Than You Think

**Please skip the following intro if you are bored easily or have only 10 minutes left to live **(I suggest you spend them talking to your loved ones, or thinking about how much life sucks and how glad you are to get rid of that dumb b^!$).

A new chapter! I have to say, this chapter was a strange beast to write. It was like giving birth to a deformed child and walking it through the process of getting multiple plastic surgeries (as crude as that sounds). Basically it took me a long time to get looking decent…and even then I know I have a lot to improve as a writer. But it is what it is, and I hope you can find some pleasure in it as a reader.

This chapter could not have been produced without the aid of:

-ginger tea

-pocky and pretz

-'emotion sickness' by silverchair, 'prayers for rain' by the cure, and 'one winged angel' by nobou uematsu.

-insanity

Anyways!! A big thank you to everyone who reviewed Chapter 4: djlover, ravenxeyes, shielded117 and Wyntirsno. I am really flattered that you continue to read and comment on my story!!

Note: A good friend is visiting me in the upcoming week so I can't update for a while!

_Thoughts are expressed in italics._

_____________________________________________________________________________

**The Things We Think And Do Not Say**

**Fragment V**

_Servant of Mephistopheles - POV_

I draw the blood from the human boy's neck hastily. A pained grimace pollutes his fine features; I feel terrible for being its source. Drawing these blood samples never gets easier…no matter how many times I perform them. My empathy for this human might sound ridiculous, considering my job as a servant in Hell, but I would beg of you not to judge me based on my location. Keep in mind that not all of us poor souls in Hell are here because we are evil. Some of us landed here because of magnificently idiotic blunders - ones we will regret not for a lifetime, but for millions of them as we live out our gloomy sentence amidst the flames.

A short gasp of relief escapes the human's mouth as I gently pull out the filled syringe from his neck. I gaze down at the way a thin trail of blood is playing itself down his heaving neck. I am afraid for his future. _I hope for your sake that Mephistopheles disapproves of your sample…_

I dare not express my sentiments openly, but I'm terrified of Mephistopheles and so is just about everyone I work with. In the presence of my boss, behind my carefully constructed mask of calm lies a hurricane of fear. I know it sounds silly. I know how he comes across. He's extremely attractive. He will seduce you with his charm. He will captivate you with his good looks. But on the inside he is a maniacal monster, and I am reminded of that every day at the job that I do.

Suddenly, dark mist begins to swirl and form into a portal at the far corner of the room. Chills begin to pierce their way down my spine: a subconscious reaction that I instantly try to suppress. And then out the black mist appears his monstrously handsome face, grinning like a madman.

After he gracefully exits the portal, it fades into the darkness behind him. Hastily, I drop to my knees and bow in his direction, being sure to hold the still warm syringe up in my left hand. I keep my eyes focused intently on the stony ground and attempt to choke back my fear.

"Ah, Johnny, I see you've collected the sample!!' he says, mad glee inflecting his silky smooth voice.

"Yes master," I say.

In a few (too quick) strides, he is standing in front of me. The feeling of his repulsively evil aura seeps through my bones and makes my blood itch. I focus on keeping the syringe steady.

Without a word, he knocks it out of my hand.

"Did I _tell you_ that you could draw this boy's blood???!!!!" he roars. My heart flies into my throat. "You _fucking IMBECILE!!!!_" he shrieks.

Suddenly there is a white hot explosion of pain in my ribs and I am sent flying across the room. The rough stone scrapes into my cheek as I land on my face. "YOU'RE LUCKY I DON'T SEND YOU INTO THE FIRE GRAVES!!!!" he screams.

"But…But sir!!" I gasp raggedly, lungs pressing against cracked ribs, fearing the sharp click of his approaching boots, "its what I always do..I just assumed.." My head swims as I frantically reach out and try to get up.

A fierce iron grip clamps my left arm. "AAAHHHH!!!!!" I scream as I hear a sickening snap and feel my arm twisted right out of its socket. The floor rushes to meet me once more, my dead arm crashing into it limply.

"You're lucky I don't just RIP IT RIGHT OFF!!" he bellows in fury.

"Master!!! St-stopppp!!! Please!! I beg of you!!!" I cry.

The last thing I see before I lose consciousness is the heavy heel of his shoe racing at lightning speed towards my face.

___________________________________________________________

_Zack's POV_

_There has to be a way out of here!!!! There has to!! _I panic, as the cries of my attacker being tortured pierce the air around me like harpoons. I pull in vain at the chains that bind my wrists, my neck throbbing in pain.

Suddenly, the screams die: swallowed whole by a tomb like silence. I almost wish they hadn't departed, because the silence is almost more frightening. I freeze and hold my breath in terrified anticipation. Will I be the next one to fill this room with pain's torturous melody? My straining ears are deafened by the silence.

_Click. Click._

The tap of boots approaches. Curiosity triumphs over the need to avert my eyes as they take in a ghostly white face being exhumed from the darkness. My whole body is rigid with fright. There is something so wrong about this…._I really don't feel like I'm in the mental ward…..maybe in its demented cousin…_

"Ah, pretty thing, my humblest apologies for that annoying little disturbance" the stranger says, in a flash genuinely calm and cheerful sounding. I am struck by his appearance. A boyish and handsome face framed by shoulder length black hair. Yet it is disturbingly pale: as if all the color was erased away by an artist jealous of its perfection. _And weird…purple eyes…_

"Who are you, and where is this?" I question, mustering up all my vocal powers to sound fearless. _I don't know who this guy is…but he's not going to intimidate me._

"Are you prepared to accept the truth?" he says, the grin abandoning his face.

"Yes," I state quickly.

He draws near my left side and softly traces the thin line of drying blood coating my neck.

"I'm truly sorry about this. Terribly unprofessional of him, this was," he says.

With a snap of his fingers, the cold cuffs binding me fall open. Dazed, I sit up and look at him. I am mystified by his change in attitude. The lion of before is now up close nothing but a kitten. His luminous violet eyes gaze down at me, void of emotion. Yet I detect a flicker of something else..

Surprisingly, he looks away.

"When you cut your wrists Zack, you lost a lot of blood. Enough that it killed you. And you know what happens to those who commit suicide…they go to hell," he says, quiet words dropping into my mind. _This just in on CNN: breaking news. Zachary Martin was found dead today in his apartment. Cause of death: suicide._

I feel my arms frantically…but there are no wounds. I feel through the sticky blood at my neck and notice…that the wound has already healed. Dead. _How could I have been so careless? So selfishly consumed with my own misery? _My thoughts are pulled instantly like a magnet towards the only thing that it will shatter my heart to leave behind. His beautiful face flashes across my mind's eye. _From now on, that is the only place I will ever see you. Swirling in time to my other charred memories. _ _Like a forgotten paper bag dragged by a dusty breeze through a deserted alley. _Hot tears begin to burn down my cheeks and I bury my tear streaked face in my hands in despair. _Every day only takes you farther away from me. And now you're so far I can never reach you. You don't exist anymore and I'd rather not exist without you…I'd kill myself again if I could…_

I feel a soft hand placed on my shoulder. "Shh…all of us go through this when we first get here. You'll get over it eventually. Besides…..you may see your twin again sooner than you think," soothes the tender voice.

Like a magician, the mysterious youth flourishes his hand in the air and suddenly a shimmering red book appears. "You'll need to sign this…"

"Hey look buddy, I'm not signing anything unless I know what it is," I sniff, a small spark of my old life returning.

"It's my collection of signatures of humans who committed suicide. And you'll sign it unless you want your face smashed in like Johnny's over there," he says in a quiet voice laced with venom.

With a 'pop' sound, a blood red pen appears before my tear stained right hand. Somewhat mystified by this stranger's volatile mood swings, I grab it. As if on cue, the shimmering book starts floating towards me and flips open. On an ancient, crusty page is written:

_Melinda Rodriguez_

_James Habingdon_

_Arthur R. Rhodes_

In crimson. Mutely, I add my name, feeling bereft of a choice in the matter. As soon as I do so, my hand closes into a fist as the pen I'm holding vanishes; along with it the shimmering red tome. _There's something more to that 'collection' than he's letting on…_

"Excellent, now we can put you to work," he says.

With a light thud, a small pile of clothing lands at my feet on the foot of the stone slab.

"You have five human minutes to get changed. Upon its expiration, a Supervisor will arrive to retrieve you."

"And you can address me as 'Master Mephistopheles' or Master' if you are particularly out of breath. In the line of work you will be doing, you will seldom see me but I will be your primary boss. Next to His Highness Lord Satan, that is."

His unexpected grimace as he enunciates the word 'Satan' is the last thing I see of his face as he turns around and walks away, eventually consumed by the darkness. Leaving me crushed in an embrace with the hollow arms of solitude; to make sense of my miserable newfound life. Or should I say, afterlife.

_You may see your twin sooner than you think…_

________________________________________________________________________

_A/N: I would love to know your thoughts on this chapter: how Mephistopheles is developing, if it was boring (I know..not much happened lol), if my writing style is overly exaggerated, etc. Thanks for reading!! ^_^  
_


	6. A Dumbstruck Neophyte

Thank you kindly to all who reviewed Chapter 5.

_Thoughts are expressed in italics._

______________________________________________

**The Things We Think And Do Not Say**

**Fragment VI**

_Cody's POV_

_Zack…_

I stare through a haze of anguish at his sprawled body on the floor. And then, a glint catches the corner of my eye. There is something small on the floor by his hand.

_A pill?_

I pick it up. It's small; transparent. Pink. Small words are etched on it in gold. I read them and without hesitation, swallow it.

As soon as I do, I hear a sound like a gunshot and fly out of my body.

_________________________________________________________________

_Zack's POV_

As soon as I'm done changing, I notice the silhouette of another black-clad employee appear in the doorway.

"Time to go, kid."

My answer to her is to silently get up and walk towards her.

"Hey kid, don't worry, we all go through this depression when we first get here."

I don't answer her. I feel incapable of speech. I wish I could be left alone to process what has happened to me, organize my raging thoughts, but I can't. Its better not to speak.

She seems to get this. "Okay kid, well just follow me."

As I follow her down a dim tunnel, Cody returns to my mind. Again. I feel so wrong about it. We're brothers. I think part of my self-hatred is because of my attraction. He's my _brother_ after all. But I didn't choose this attraction. How many times I've tried to shut it off. I've tried everything. But it never works. I guess I'm just a freak.

Suddenly, she stops in front of me, facing a closed wooden door. She opens it and we walk into the room. In the middle is a low wooden table with a human dummy body on it. Marks have been made all over its neck. I notice wooden racks nailed to the walls. In them are different kinds of syringes and plastic tubing.

"So I'm going to be taking blood samples?" I ask.

The employee turns around and flashes a smile. "I hope you're not afraid of needles."

She grabs a small syringe from one of the wooden racks and hands it to me.

"You should know all about this process now that you've been on the receiving end of it. But we'll just go through a quick overview of correct sampling procedure." She grabs another syringe from the wall and approaches the dummy.

"First, align the syringe," she says, pointing it towards a mark made on the dummy made on the middle of the left side of its neck.

"Second, insert about halfway." It goes in with a funny sound.

She looks over at me. "And if that wasn't complicated enough…step three is draw the blood out and then take out the syringe."

"What are these samples for?"

"Everyone is here for different reasons as you can imagine. Some of us murdered. Some of us made mistakes. And then we get the aberrations: people here actually for reasons that are noble."

"Noble?"

"Yes, sometimes people commit crimes on earth for noble reasons. Like one guy we got came here for taking a bullet for his pal during World War II. Because it was technically a suicide, he got sent here."

"But why should those people stay in hell?"

"That's the thing: most of them don't, they just land here because of that glitch in the system. After they arrive here, once we've figured out that their blood is 'pure', we send them to His Highness, Lord Satan. If His Highness doesn't want them, he can send them off to an Angel's Trial. If they are judged favourably, they can actually get into Heaven. But if he wants them, well….I don't really know what happens but people say it's the worst torture that can be experienced in hell. And that's saying something."

"So that means you must not know the cause of death immediately when people arrive here?"

"Yeah, that's why we take the samples. Mephistopheles can't keep track of the cause of death of everyone who first arrives here, there's just too many people. For those whose cause of death upon arrival is unknown, we must first take their sample to see if their blood is 'tainted' or 'pure'. Those who died nobly, well they have 'pure' blood."

She hands something to me. It looks like an mp3 player.

"You stick the needle in this. The light'll flash green if its pure, and red if its tainted. I've been doing samples for a while here…maybe 20 human years and let me tell you…its never once flashed green for me."

"So kid, is it obvious how to do samples, or do I need to see you put the needle where the x is?"

"No, its fine…but..I don't know if I can do this. I really…hate needes."

"Ah, no problem, you're not alone."

Her eyes search the rack and then she grabs a syringe. It has no needle sticking out.

'Trade ya!"

We exchange syringes.

"The needle in that one comes out only when you press on the button. So just hold it right up to the neck and then click the button. You'll never see the needle."

Still feeling weezy, I nod.

_Beep! Beep! Beep!_

"One sec." She pulls a cell-phone like gadget from her back pocket and holds it to her ear.

"Marianne here," she frowns.

"Yeah, he's right here. Yeah I showed him. Okay. That's Wing 84 you said? Okay, we'll be right there."

She puts the gadget back in her pocket and looks at me with a grin.

"Looks like we got a job for ya, kid. And Wing 84: it's a good one! Let's go!"

"Uh, can you do the first one?"

"Aw don't worry about it. You're a natural, I can just tell" she says, with a wink.

__________________________________________________________

After what seems like an eternity of winding through tunnels, we reach a door marked 'Wing 84: Special Arrivals. Authorized Personnel Only.'

I hear the sound of a voice I never want to hear again as we enter the room.

"Ah, Brotherly Love! How sweet!"

I'm nearly about to tell that crazy Mephi-whatever-his-name-was to shut up when I see him. In the middle of the room. Lying on a stone slab. Eyes closed.

"CODY!!" I scream.

"Now, don't you dare move" says Mephistopheles, "or I assure you, something bad will happen"

"Why is he here? Did he die?"

"Yes, suicide actually."

"_What???_"

"Yes, my dear confused little thing. He killed himself because your selfish little death was too much to handle. Jumped off the balcony of your apartment, he did."

I shake my head in disbelief.

"Marianne, take his sample will you? Obviously this dumbstruck neophyte is incapable at the moment."

"Yes, sir."

She goes over to Cody's side. I hold my ground, trembling as she plunges in the needle and draws out thick, crimson blood. She then brings out the strange mp3 player device and puts the tip of the needle in it.

_Please don't be green, please don't be green, please God…._

"Ah, I _knew_ it was going to be a good case. Sometimes my intuition is just bang on!!" he says.

Its green.

___________________________________________________________

_A/N: future chapters *may* be rated M. Thanks for reading! Plz review!_


	7. Before My Eyes

A gazillion **thank-you's **to the lovelies who reviewed Chapter 6. Your reviews inspire me and keep me motivated to continue!! ^_^

(p.s. from now on, only if you say its okay in a review or message, then I'll give a shout out to you on here. I changed my policy b/c I don't want to breach anyone's confidentiality ^_^).

**Warning: **This chapter contains M-rated, graphic scenes.

_Thoughts are written in italics._

______________________________________________________________

**The Things We Think And Do Not Say**

**Fragment VII**

Later that night…in a cell buried in the bowels of a dank castle_._

_Zack's POV_

How is it possible to sleep when you know your brother will soon be in the clutches of the Devil? 'Who cares?' it seems was the employees of hell's answer, as they imprisoned me alone in this cell for the night.

My mind is sick with worry. Unanswered questions twirl through my head like a demented merry-go-round. _Have they taken Cody to Satan yet? What if Satan decides to keep Cody? What will he do to him? _

Blades of fear crawl up my spine as Marianne's voice echoes in my head: '_If he wants them…it's the worst torture that can be experienced in hell.'_

I pace the cold floor back and forth like a rat in a cage, the motion providing no respite from my worries.

A stone on the floor catches my eye. I pick it up and throw it against the far wall, in a lame effort to dispel some of the powerlessness I feel. '_Pretty soon you'll have no stones left to throw and no miles left to pace. Then what will you do?'_ a voice in my mind taunts.

Suddenly, a sharp pain tears through my head, scattering away all my other thoughts. I feel a strange sensation as if my mind is being split open and then through the cracks…it comes flooding back. As if from an offline radio station that has just been switched on again my connection with Cody is now online. Instantaneously, impressions begin arriving.

_Cody has just woken up…._

Without warning, my consciousness is brutally ripped from my body so that I am left a ghostly version of myself floating a foot above it. But I don't have time to process this as suddenly, like a magnet my ethereal form is pulled at a high speed towards the far wall of my cell. I squeeze my eyes shut, bracing for an impact, but my ghostly form breezes right through it like a soft wind.

The magnetic force pulls me at lightning speed through countless stone walls until suddenly they are gone and I'm flying through a black void. Its remarkably cold and I can't breathe: almost as if I'm in outer space except here there isn't even the comfort of starlight. I see through wind scraped eyes something red fast approaching in the distance. Then, the magnetic force pulling me vanishes and I'm left breathless and shaken about 15 feet to the side of the red object. It's an ornate throne. Two flaming red torches frame each side of it. And reclining on it: the creature of your worst nightmares.

His evil energy invades my body like a virus, making me want to scratch my skin until it bleeds. He is an older man, but not a man. The horns grinning out at me from his skull are a visual reminder. I cringe in horror as I see Cody's body sprawled out on what must be some form of floor about eight feet in front of the throne. Nothing else inhabits the void. It is empty except for the throne and the two of them.

From my vantage point to the side of the throne, I see Cody's body stirring, as if he is still waking up.

//_Where am I?//_ his semi-coherent thought mumbles in my mind.

"Cody!!! Cody!!!" I scream but somehow my voice is muffled by the void. Frantically, I try to run towards him but I'm not standing on ground and my legs pump uselessly. I'm trapped floating in space.

He pushes himself up on his arms slowly until he is sitting and then raises his eyes to meet the nightmarish being before him. Even from my vantage point, I can see his eyes widening in horror. Slowly, he brings his hands to the sides of his head, feeling it as if trying to decide whether what he's seeing is real.

_I'm watching a nightmare play out before my eyes. _

As if decided, he begins pushing himself away from the throne.

_He knows this is real._

A voice booms through what must be the depths of this entire void. "I assume by your reaction that an introduction is unnecessary," the hideous creature says, parting leathery lips to reveal a long row of sharpened teeth.

Cody's throat moves in a panicked swallow. He seems too terrified to produce words.

"I observed in my mind's eye that your intent when you disembarked from Earth was to rescue your twin brother. Nevertheless, that is impossible."

A look of shock passes through Cody's eyes. His lips part. Finally, he speaks in a small voice, "What…why?"

"Your brother doesn't exist anymore, not in this realm, not in any realm. After he arrived here, he chose permanent extermination."

Cody's face goes ashen. Rigid.

"NOOOO!! That's not true!! Don't believe him!!" I scream but it falls on deaf ears.

Numbly, he shakes his head in disbelief. "No…that's impossible! Mephistopheles said he was here and he could be saved! The pill I took…it said, 'Swallow to rescue a loved one from hell, but death awaits should you not do well.'"

A cruel chortle reverberates though the darkness. "Ha! That's a good one. I must commend Mephistopheles, he is getting more creative by the day!"

Another shade of color falls from Cody's face as the Devil continues.

"Did you really expect wells of truth to flow from the mouth of Mephistopheles, my right hand man? That pill took your life and your brother…well you can try to save him if you so desire. That is, if it's possible to save a memory."

"No…" Cody says in a choked voice, tears beginning to gleam on his cheeks. Then, softly as if to himself he whispers, "But I loved him …and I never got to tell him how I really felt."

My heart stops in my chest. _But I loved him_.

"Ha, you _loved_ him! Then why were you such a whore?"

Cody blinks at the word, drops his eyes to the ground, and continues quietly. "I'm a person that does everything I can to be perfect. I achieved a 4.0 GPA at Harvard, I'm polite, I'm nice. The only thing holding me back was this abhorrent attraction I had for my brother. It made me so disgusted with myself. So I tried everything I could to get rid of it. I thought the best solution was to find someone else to be attracted to. So I tried dating other people…but that didn't work. Then I stepped it up and began doing things that compromised my morals. Although the thought repulsed me, I thought sleeping with some of them might do the trick. Eventually I got drunk enough to do it…but even that didn't take my mind off Zack, and I always felt _disgusting_ after…" he says, his voice breaking.

Tears stream down my face. I can't believe what I'm hearing. _He did it to take his mind off me? He felt the same way all along….Oh God…_

He looks up at the Devil, tears gleaming on his cheeks. "But it doesn't matter anymore now, does it? So please, please kill me too for the final time. Make me not exist."

"I have better plans for you. Its rare we receive an arrival like you...so pure...it would be a shame not to maximize this opportunity. Come here," the Devil orders, beckoning with his hand.

Cody remains frozen in place, terrified.

"You'd do best to obey me."

"I don't care anymore. Do whatever you want," he whispers in a hollow despair that wrenches my heart.

I can't read the Devil's expression, but he arises from his throne and approaches Cody until he is towering before him.

"I'm going to enjoy this" he states, lifting his left hand so it is directly above Cody's head. Suddenly, Cody's averted eyes roll back into his skull. Shards of mist begin to flow between the devil's hand and the crown of Cody's head. Then, Cody begins moaning in anguish, as if his brain is being split apart. The sound is so terrible, I want to cover my ears. "No! Get out of my head…" he gasps.

"NOOO!! Stop it!!" I scream, vainly trying to run towards them.

After a pained few minutes, it is over and Cody falls limply to the ground like a rag doll the Devil is tired of playing with. The devil gasps in pleasure, as if he just finished having good sex. "Such a brilliant, pure mind. I will enjoy destroying it."

Still half conscious, lying on the ground, Cody suddenly screams. "What…what did you put in my head? What is this??? This never happened!!!" He grabs his hair as if trying to rip out whatever was just implanted in his head.

"Yes it happened, you just forgot until now."

His eyes glazed over, Cody shakes his head. "Dad would never say that."

"Are you really so sure??"

Cody blinks and trembles. "Yes…no…"

"Now do as I say, or I will erase all your memories of your twin next."

The Devil strides back to his throne. "Now come here."

I'm crying, wanting to scream at the Devil at the top of my lungs: "You _fuck_!!!"

Dazed, Cody rises shakily to his feet. I notice his face is completely ashen now. Drying tears stain his colorless cheeks. Slowly, he approaches the throne, then falls to his knees weakly before it.

"Sit on my lap."

"No!!! Don't do it!!" I sob.

Clearly terrified, he stands up, and then lightly sits down with his back to the Devil.

The Devil snakes a hand around the boy's thin waist and pulls him close. With his other hand, he traces a finger lazily up his thigh, trailing it up his torso, until it arrives at his pale neck. As he does, Cody shuts his eyes as if trying to block out what is happening. Then, the Devil brings his face close to the side of Cody's neck and breathes in deeply.

"The purity of your blood is absolutely intoxicating. And let me tell you, I've never been one to resist temptation."

I hear a sickening sound almost like a crunch as his teeth puncture the skin of Cody's fragile neck.

"Stop!! Stop!!" I scream, but the sound is annulled even before it leaves my mouth. My hands shake and I clench them into tight fists, nails biting hard into my skin. For a torturous eternity, he feasts on Cody's blood, emitting grotesque sucking sounds. Initially Cody is gasping in terror and pain, but soon his eyes slip half lidded, the only sign of life the shallow rise and fall of his chest. I notice his skin turning gray and blue veins suddenly appearing over his neck and arms as the blood drains from his body.

_He's consumed almost all the blood from his body….if he was human he'd be dead by now._

"AHHHHH," moans the Devil, his dripping teeth leaving Cody's neck with a popping sound. The entire bottom portion of his face is saturated in blood. "I have not revelled in…blood this exquisite since…well let's just say I could well-nigh promote you," he says between deep breaths. He smirks perversely, showing red teeth, and runs a hand through Cody's soft blonde hair.

Cody rests limply against the devil's chest, his head lolling to the side, exposing his ravaged neck. From it, a small river of crimson is trickling down, soaking into his white polo shirt. A sick, feverish blush stains his cheeks. His glazed eyes rest half closed. He seems to be hanging on to consciousness by merely a gossamer from a spider's web.

After his momentary break, the Devil places a gnarled hand on top of Cody's head. Cody lies there limply, as if he can't even feel it. "Now let me provide you with some supplementary information to brood over," he smirks. Scarily, Cody's haggard eyes again fly up into his skull.

Suddenly, I'm being pulled again by a magnetic force but this time from behind. The scene races away from me and a sound like a rushing river fills my ears. I reach out my hand in desperation, but it's too late.

I awaken back in my body, lying on the cold stone floor of my cell.

I scream.

_____________________________________________________________

_Please review!_


	8. Nightmares or Memories

Thank you to everyone to reviewed Chapter 7! I decided from now no more shout-outs, so sorry ^_^.

**Warning: **this is an extremely dark chapter that contains a non-consensual sex scene and child abuse. Please _do not read _unless you are okay with that.

(I was contemplating not posting this at all, but its necessary for the rest of the story).

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________

**The Things We Think And Do Not Say**

**Fragment VIII**

_Zack's POV_

Somewhere in the back of my mind, I hear the patter of approaching footsteps: probably caused by my scream as I awakened.

Numbly, I curl my cold body into the foetal position, bracing myself for the waves of despair soon to crash into me.

_This is all my fault…I dragged Cody into this mess…_

I curl tighter as the horrific memory is projected across my mind of Cody lying in the arms of the Devil, beautiful eyes now half dead, blood oozing from a monstrous wound on his ravaged neck.

I reach timidly for our connection in my mind, but it seems to be offline.

_Thank God, then he's probably unconscious._

Suddenly, an uncontrollable sob is summoned up from somewhere in my stomach, but I suppress it. Even whilst alone in the dark I always will suppress my emotions if I can help it. Its just my nature as the 'tough' twin.

Then, like an angel whispering in the darkness, Cody's voice soothes my mind:

'_But I loved him…..'_

_Did you also brush a lock of hair from my face as I slept? Watch the pale moonlight dance across my sleeping features? Long to confess your forbidden thoughts…this whole time as well?_

My thoughts are suddenly scattered by a knock at the door.

"Hey kid, you alright?" I hear Marianne's voice questioning.

The sound seems too far away to be bothered with. Maybe if I don't respond, it will go away.

"Kay kid, well I'm coming in."

I hear the 'click' of a lock turning, followed by the sound of footsteps approaching me, and then a soft hand touches my shoulder.

"Y'all right kid? Don't tell me you're still scared of the dark or something…." she says with a tenderness that touches me deeply.

Suddenly, I'm seized again by a wave of utter sadness. I bring my hands to my face, again suppressing tears.

Normally, I would never say what I'm about to. But after all I've been through now with Cody, I can't hide anymore. Hiding has done nothing by destroy our lives. "Have you ever been so in love with someone…but you couldn't tell them? And it was someone you had to live with for the rest of your life? Someone you had to watch grow old and fall in love with another beside you? Because let me tell you something, Marianne…"

I bring my hands away from my face and look up at her.

"That's what it's like being in love with your twin brother. It's a fucking nightmare that never ends. It ruined my life and now, its ruined my brother's as well."

I stare at Marianne, pleading with my eyes.

"He's _torturing_ him, Marianne!! I don't know what's he's doing…he said he wanted to destroy his mind! You have to help me! You must know some way I can help him, some way I can get to him!"

I feel a weight like a ton of bricks settle into my heart at her dejected expression.

"Man, kid. I'm so sorry…I wish there was a way I could help you…but I've never heard of anyone Satan has chosen being rescued. In fact…its better you hear this sooner than later…but most of them don't last more than one human month in his hands…"

"So what am I supposed to do, just sit around here and wait for the news? I can't do that, Marianne! I'll go crazy if I have to! There has to be something I can do…"

"Well I don't know kid, but maybe you can ask Mephistopheles. He requested a private consultation with you, that's why I'm here."

I laugh bitterly. "That ass clown? Why so he can fucking lie to me some more?"

"No…he said he has special information regarding your brother. And stop swearing, its really bothering me"

I stare up at her, feeling a glimmer of hope. "Special information? What is that exactly?"

"He didn't tell me…he said its top secret."

She extends a hand to me. "Shall we?"

////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

We wind through the dark corridors, not talking. After a while, I begin hearing things. At first I think my mind is playing tricks on me, but as the minutes pass the sound starts getting louder. I realize….it's the sound of music. But its unlike anything I've ever heard. It sounds like the playing of a musical genius…only too fast, too perfect to be human. It is not beautiful, in fact, it sounds like the musical equivalent of a descent into madness.

_The Symphonies of Hell…._

As we walk, the music grows even louder, filling my eardrums with a sound that is past genius and into insanity.

At last, Marianne stops in front of a large oak door speckled with nails and what look like bullet holes. She knocks loudly. The music stops.

"I request permission to enter, Lord Mephistopheles."

I hear the sound of wood being dragged across stone and then after a brief pause: "Do you have the boy with you?"

"Yes."

"You have my permission to enter."

As we do, I notice that the large stone-walled room is void of anything except for a large organ and its wooden bench. The copper pipes reach all the way up into darkness; this room appears to have no ceiling. On the bench is perched Mephistopheles. Looking nothing short of,

_Disturbed._

I notice faint beads of sweat coalescing on his pale forehead. Dishevelled strands of hair fall over his strange eyes, which are unusually averted. He looks as if he's trying to catch his breath.

"..That was _you_ playing??" I say, bewildered.

"Lord Mephistopheles was a child prodigy on earth," Marianne says from her bowed position beside me, beaming as if she is proud. I see her blush and realize: she has a crush on him. _You've got to be kidding me….._

"Well…not just that…one does have ample time to improve…when one has been imprisoned in hell for over 500 years.." he says breathlessly.

He regains his composure and then looks directly into my eyes.

"There is only one way to save your brother. And it is through me."

________________________

-Cody-

"_Is this a dream? Or is this a memory? Where am I?" he wonders._

_He's standing in the living room of his old house. The one they all used to live in together before his Mom, his twin Zack and him moved into the Tipton. _

_Cody brings his hands in front of him and notices how small they look. Then, he stares down at his body and suddenly realizes…he's short. He must be about 6 years old. And he's wearing a shirt he has not worn in years. "Hey! Its my old favorite shirt: go Power Rangers!!" he thinks._

_Suddenly, he sees his dad come in the door, also looking younger. His dad is smoking, one of the things he did that his wife always hated._

"_Dad!!" the boy exclaims in his now child-like voice._

_The boy looks into his father's eyes, expecting to see the usual good humor. Expecting his father to come over and give him hug like he always does._

_But his father looks at him with a strange glimmer of malice and something else. Suddenly, the boy is afraid. No, he's terrified._

"_Dad?"_

"_You stupid little shit, why are you home early from school?"_

"_What?"_

"_What? What?! That's all you have to say??!" his father yells, spittle flying from his mouth._

_The boy gapes at him in disbelief. "This can't be my father," he thinks._

_His father approaches Cody with wide steps and grabs the collar of his shirt._

"_You stupid little shit, this is the last time you disobey me!!'_

_He drags the boy over to the couch, bends him over his knee, and pulls down his pants._

_The boy screams as suddenly he feels the hot tip of the cigarette butt burning into his ass cheek. "No…Dad…stop!!!" he chokes out._

"_You good for nothing twat. In fact, you deserve a lot more than that."_

_Suddenly, his father shoves the boy onto the floor. Dizzily, the boy stares up at him, pleading at him with his eyes._

"_You've been so bad. Now you have a chance to redeem yourself."_

_In horror, the boy watches as he unzips his fly._

"_Now, suck it."_

_The boy cringes as his father smiles at him lustily._

"_Dad….dad this can't be you!! You don't know what you're doing!! Stop!!"_

_Suddenly, the father's hand out of nowhere slaps the boy in the face with such force that the boy feels two teeth knocked out; warm blood filling his mouth. He falls hard to the floor, blacking out for a second._

_Then, the boy dazedly feels his father's heavy body weight settle on top of him. He smells his father's stale odor of sweat and the alcohol contaminating his breath as his father slowly starts caressing his bare ass._

"_Stop it, please…." Cody sobs._

"_When you say that, it only turns me on."_

_The boy tries to shut off his brain. He closes his eyes. "This isn't happening…this can't be happening…" he thinks._

_The boy squeezes his eyes against the pain as he feels something large entering his small body and screams, but a hand is suddenly clamped over his mouth. His head spins and he feels like he's going to pass out or vomit._

_Hands claw all over Cody's body. Then he feels a slobbery, wet breath invade his ear. "God, you're so good. I knew you'd be a great fuck. That tight little ass of yours always wiggling around…tempting me. You and Zack may be identical twins…but you'll always get the A grade from me you perfect little whore."_

_His father's voice is sounding farther and farther away. Cody's last thought before he loses consciousness is:_

_Somebody…help…_

____________________________________________________

_Review please._


	9. The Other Twin

Good day!

I haven't updated in a while...my inspiration for this fiction is a waxing and waning moon of inappropriateness. Be warned...this may or may not ever be completed. And I'm putting less effort into it than before...

Zack's POV

"There is only one way to save your brother. And it is through me."

I gape at Mephistopheles in utter disbelief. "Hm, this rings a bell. Maybe about the time you told my brother to swallow a pill so he could 'save me'. Well that was a lie wasn't it? Why the hell should I believe you? After all like the Devil himself said, you're his right hand man!"

"Marianne, leave us," he says, motioning with a pale hand towards the door.

"As you wish, my Lord," she says, quietly exiting the room with a bow.

"You're right…you have absolutely no reason to believe me. But you must. When I had your brother swallow that pill…I really did mean that he could save you," says Mephistopheles, looking at me with those intense purple eyes.

"You did, did you? Well good fucking job because now he's the one needing to be saved," I spit out angrily. "The Devil is fucking torturing him, okay? I guess his nice little green sample caught his attention, didn't it? He's one of Satan's 'favorites' now isn't he? And all thanks to you. If you mean anything of what you say, you owe me a fucking apology."

He twists his long fingers in his hand awkwardly. "I'm sorry…I had no idea this would happen. It didn't go according to my plan"

"And what plan would that be?"

"Exactly what I told your brother. There are ways to rescue a loved one from hell in special circumstances. It was definitely possible. Unfortunately, Satan foresaw your brother's departure from Earth…so I was forced to play along and pretend I was lying. He wanted your brother even before he arrived here."

"I don't get it…why take pity on him? Why give him that chance to save me and not someone else?"

"Like I told your brother…your suicide affected me. I mean that. It really is extraordinary for one to accidentally kill themselves…especially a twin…who is in love with his mirror image."

I smile awkwardly. "How did you know that I'm in love with him?"

He smiles. "You acquire certain powers as the right hand man of Satan…I can merely sense it…but don't feel ashamed…its not as uncommon as you might think."

At this, his eyes mist over and he looks distantly at the wall behind my shoulder.

"You would be surprised to know that on Earth…I had a twin as well. I was in love with him. And, yes, I killed myself over him."

I gape at him in surprise.

"That is why I felt so drawn to your story. I wanted to give you both the chance to reunite I never had."

"So when you died you were sent to hell?"

"Yes. It was an accidental suicide so I was unfortunately gifted with a green blood sample. And yes, I was chosen by Satan, just as your brother was."

His eyes mist over. I can almost see him watching the painful memories.

"I know exactly what Cody is going through right now. And let me tell you…its even more horrible than it looks. Some of us do survive the ordeal…and usually are promoted as I was."

I grimace. "So…what happened to your twin?"

"Well, he went to heaven after he died. Like me, he does not go by his human name anymore. But you may recognize him as he now goes by the name of Gabriel."

"The Angel Gabriel?" I gape, my eyes going wide.

"Yes.."he says softly.

I remember seeing a picture from school of a beautiful angel with long dark hair and purple eyes.

"So…you were also identical twins then?"

"Yes…" he says, wistfully. "And I haven't seen him since before I died.."

"Wow…" I say, in shock at what I've just heard. "I mean…I'm sorry for calling you a crazy bastard. I mean…you are a little off your rocker so to speak but…"

He raises a thin hand. "No, it's okay."

"So…you're going to help me get back Cody then?"

"Yes…and hopefully return both of you to Earth."

I feel tears welling in my eyes but suppress them. _God damn…I've cried so many times in the last 24 hours…so unlike me…_

"Don't be ashamed of crying"

I stare at him. "What? You can read minds too?"

He smiles. "Suppression of emotion never leads to anything but destruction as you have witnessed in your own life."

I nod, thinking of how I confessed my love for Cody to Marianne. "You're right."

I look at him tentatively. "So…how are we going to do this?"

"Well, you start by doing everything I tell you," he says, in a way that kind of gets on my nerves.

Somebody…please…help.

Suddenly I am overwhelmed by a pain like a white hot fire poker being driven into my skull. I double over and grab my head as unwelcome images begin intruding into my mind.

I see Cody, lying on the ground, waking up groggily. He's chained to the side of the Devil's throne by his wrists. Wait..No. The chain is going through his wrists..I realize, a sickening sensation washing through me. The metal links disappear into his wrists, the fleshy area around them a gross navy blue color.

He moans in pain. "What did you…do to my hands…where am I?"

In a crazy twist of voice, I hear the devil speak…but in my father's voice.

"Shut up if you know what's good for you."

At that, Cody's face instantly pales and he is quiet.

I hear the Devil's chuckle as he continues, but now in his normal voice.

"You're remembering the time he raped you, aren't you?"

Cody's eyes seem to glaze over, but he doesn't speak.

The devil then walks over to the shivering boy and grabs the chain, yanking the boy to his knees from his wrists. Cody moans in pain and I wince as I see fresh blood start dripping down the chain.

"When I ask a question, I expect an answer"

"Yes…I was," he says lifelessly.

The Devil lets the chain slip through his fingers and Cody falls to the ground with a thud.

Oh my God, its like he's totally given up. He's not even going to bother to fight back anymore.

From the darkness I hear his voice softly, "Make it stop…just kill me". I notice how eerily white his flesh is from the loss of blood.

The Devil then walks over and places his hand again over Cody's head. Again, I see the strange mist-like substance forming between the Devil's hand and the top of Cody's head.

Cody's eyes return to normal and then, I see his eyes squint at something in the distance and then widen in horror.

"No…get away from me!!!!" he screams, backing up against the throne.

The Devil cackles, laughing at Cody who looks scared to death. I look over to see what Cody is looking at.

There is nothing there.

"No!! Get away get away away away away!!" he repeats, waving his arms in front of him.

He goes an even paler shade of white. I see his eyes move as if following something coming towards him.

"Don't," he chokes.

His screams ring in my ears as the vision ends.


End file.
